I was just sharing this quote on Polyamory tribe last night:
"Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it."
~Rumi
This quote resonated with me, as it speaks to the very heart of what I am "pushing the envelope" for in the first place.
I am discovering this stance, though glorious in its way, does reveal ever deeper challenges for me--beyond my own internal barriers. I have found recently that my relationships with others have suffered from pushing "too far, too fast." In these situations I also have to learn NOT to 'push the envelope,' and express my love through patience--because we can only move as fast as my loved ones are prepared to go.
Do any of you find similar challenges with your loved ones in pushing your own envelopes?
+kenrom-
"Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it."
~Rumi
This quote resonated with me, as it speaks to the very heart of what I am "pushing the envelope" for in the first place.
I am discovering this stance, though glorious in its way, does reveal ever deeper challenges for me--beyond my own internal barriers. I have found recently that my relationships with others have suffered from pushing "too far, too fast." In these situations I also have to learn NOT to 'push the envelope,' and express my love through patience--because we can only move as fast as my loved ones are prepared to go.
Do any of you find similar challenges with your loved ones in pushing your own envelopes?
+kenrom-
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SF Bay Area
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Re: Pushing...
Thu, January 22, 2004 - 10:37 AMYou have to take it in stride, to get to know the other person and form a relationship with them as a person, rather then trying to shoehorn people into a relationship they may not fit into. Depending on where you stand you could be pushing into, or giving pushback. Both are ways to push boundaries, but not the one you want to be pushing.
I think Rumi's quote is outstanding, it talks about the one boundary you should be pushing. The boundary you push within yourself without pushing anyone else's boundaries. I can talk about a lot of specific challanges with my loved ones, but I think that quote capture the essence of them all. -
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Re: Pushing...
Fri, January 23, 2004 - 2:51 PMAssaf & Kaytlynn - Thanks for your responses. I am indeed taking it in stride. It is a process, after all. And one that none of us really has too much experience with. I am at least blessed to have friends who are willing to accept my mistakes and learn from them. As I, theirs.
As far as pushing into and giving pushback on boundaries, I have to admit to a bit of both on my part in the past. You're quite right when you say I shouldn't be pushing any boundaries outside of myself. Yesterday I had a conversation with a friend about what had been going on with my poly relationship, and I was surprised to hear him tell me how selfish he thought we all were being (my loved ones and I) in one fashion or another. And I'm afraid I had to agree with him.
So now I am focussing only on my own internal boundaries... Tearing down the barriers that I have set against love...
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Re: Pushing...
Thu, January 22, 2004 - 10:52 AMKenron, thanks for reviving one of my favorite tribes. Maybe this will get us going again.
My favorite definiton of love was written by Robert Heinlein
"Love is the feeling where someone else's happiness and well being is affects your own."
This is how I try to love. A selfless feeling rather than a selfish one. I want the people I love happy and well, whatever that may mean for them. If they are not it hurts me for them. So I love with paticence. If they are not where I want to be I have to let them be where they are. I don't push my love, I simply offer it. Wether or not the person I love is ready for it they know it's there when they are. -
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Re: Pushing...
Thu, January 22, 2004 - 7:11 PMAye;
Welcoming
Your fresh inspiration
Breath of fresh
Air! -
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Re: Pushing...
Fri, January 23, 2004 - 3:28 AMThank you all. *bows head* It is truly an honor for me to converse with such beautiful and courageous minds. (Don't you just love tribe.net?) -
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Re: Pushing...
Fri, January 23, 2004 - 3:14 PMOh my... I must be in the right place.
I have read these to posts, in this order, in my dreams before.
Looks like I better get pushing.
~Sky
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Hi Ken / Hi Folks -- I like your talkin'!
Mon, January 26, 2004 - 1:39 PMKenrom-san,
Thanks for your moving "push" thoughts -- they pushed me, too.
Maybe I should leave it at that and just say "hey" to all of you for now; there's this newbie joiner temptation to say too much or to say nothing at all...just keep learning and listening -- (very tempting!).
But then -- nah! This is Tribe, right? (How cool...) So here goes...
I almost died once in a Vienna hospital -- a vacation trip with my mom with a twist (burst appendix).
Right before surgery, I reached out and touched her face in this simple "It's going to be ok" gesture...
All of a sudden I was just *blown away* with all this *meaning* -- information and energy-- so much *love* , *worlds of meaning and being* -- right there in every pore my hand--in her face and at my proverbial fingertips.
I "got" then (and still get a bit) that Love is maybe this kind of "waking up"; that we are, right now, actively *still* being born -- and that it *scares the crap out of us* to feel --
*that much* -- all the time (connection, meaning & love)...
...But that that's probably where we are really, truly headed and who we really, truly are: true self, true consciousness as "joy-for-joy's-sake" Joy.
I probably could have died right then and there with that blessing and maybe I still could.
Anyway, I'm still this hurting, stretching tyke punk: one more little runt in the Cosmic Sandbox with sand in his face and way too many bullies.
But I've heard-tell of these amazing freaky people doing these amazing, freaky things -- nearby, playing right here near
(and with) me!
And, it's a BIG sandbox! There's just GOT to be more of us out there! ;-)
As to stretching / hurting / being with others doing same... Yeah. I get that. Have you ever heard the poem "Flow"?
It's beautiful and kinda talks about that -- I'll see if I can find that.
Anyway, thanks for inspiring & pushing,
Joy to you,
SpikeyGuy -
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Re: Hi Ken / Hi Folks -- I like your talkin'!
Mon, January 26, 2004 - 2:48 PMWelcome Home, Brother.
You are certainly not alone. we're here in the sandbox too, with sand in our eyes, as well.
There are days I can still feel so terribly alone in this world. And then I read something like your post, that fills me with inspiration again and reminds me of what is most important... That I am not alone at all--that I'm simply waking up, constantly waking up, being born into the reality of love that is all around us... That IS us.
...And then I eventually get distracted and nod off in the sandbox again, forgetting myself yet again! *sigh* That's when I get sand kicked in my eyes to remind me to wake the fuck up!
At this point I find that I've gone way too far to ever turn back on love and simply shut down. There are rough moments, yes. Where I find myself physically alone and emotionally distrought. (My cel phone died this weekend, and I had felt completely cutoff from my loved ones). Think the loneliness is unbearable. And my mind has unconsciously shifted into 'glass half empty' state.
Normally, I totally enjoy being alone with myself. And it is ridiculous to think, given the wealth of love and friendship I am blessed with, that I could ever feel so sad and isolated.
I watch myself go through this little dance where I experience this intense negative emotion (loneliness) and feel the need to tie it to whatever is or is not happening in my life at the time. I think most of us still do this to one degree or another... And I caught myself doing it today.
Eventually I realize that it is really just old emotions surfacing, that this feeling, though intense and negative, has no relevance to my life at this moment at all! Time to let that go... Sometimes I can pull this off on my own, and sometimes I need a little help from my friends.
I have not heard the poem called "Flow." Please do post!
Domo Arigato, Spikey-San! You've helped me regroup today, so that I can push on again. And for that, I am truly grateful!
Namaste,
+kenrom-
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Kenron-san; a pleasure; kochira koso
Tue, January 27, 2004 - 12:26 PMWow. Nice brain (and heart) cells you got there.
Should I Rumi-nate on that a while? Will more, and would if could. Doing the OCS Dance -- school *and* work and -- sigh.
Lonely? Yeah; took honors. And it *is* honorable -- really. A high, high privelidge to find fine, kindred souls to be lonely *with*, "alone-together" *with* (--for me, anyway.)
(Like here, wow!)
Umm, yeah -- 'cept that most of the time we're really having those other kind of lonely moments --like the ones you've mentioned.
De profudis, me thinks, and I'm thinking it gets more so (in Western culutre) the more "work" and reflection you do -- which is good but it's still a bitch!
I'm also thinkin' physio-chemical brain chemistry crap plays a part, my man -- (don't know 'bout you, but *my* "human tourist" visa has a limited time and comes with all these restrictions.)
Also, this "otherness" thing -- supposedly, "other-than-God" thing. Ouch; that one sucks -- I think we're still fundamentally enraged little monsters in our cribs waiting for Mama / Goddess -- a "One" to unify us again (when we forget we truly *are* -- "I & I" -- that One).
Oh, man, I'm kinda jokin' but really, it HURTS! (Me, anyway.). Differentiation, especially -- and I have too much of that for some circles.
Someone once told me "Come from abundance" -- when I was going nuts over a soon-to-be lost love not returning my 20-something phone calls (from SF to London). That's stayed with me *way* longer than the romance did!
Anyway, *you* seem *very abundant* -- I hope for you, Kenrom, (for us all) it carries you well and yeah, am betting it does.
Hey, it's all (something) "good", right?
--Even the breadbasket that carries this crazy dualism *must* be inherently good -- a greater good -- because it allows the "this" to be here at all!
(Uh, yeah...anyway, something like that!)
Well, tried my best, (bury me, leaning rest) -- but I think I got spun one too many times with the blindfold on --and somehow, that damn pinata *moves*!
Later, Kenrom-san. Thanks for *your* good words....
Yoroshiku onegaishimasu. Anata wa honto no shinsetu de yoi no hito to omoimasu.
SpikeyGuy
PS -- I'll post "Flow" on a "new topic" thread -- cool?
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